It is often assumed that single people live without love. That by not having a significant other, they must be missing something drastically important. People look at me a certain way when I say I'm single, and oftentimes they will offer condolences such as "the right one will come along some day". The more I tell them I am actually okay with being single, the more pity I see in their eyes and I can see them thinking "awww, she's trying to act brave". For some of us though, we really do mean it when we say we are just fine being single.
Don't get me wrong, living life with a partner you love is a wonderful thing! However, living my life without a partner does not mean I hate men, or am avoiding relationships to avoid being hurt, or that I am unattractive or unworthy of a partner. It certainly doesn't mean that I am living a life devoid of love. I feel love all the time. When I walk onto the beach and feel the sand in my toes, and hear and see the waves breaking, and smell the ocean saltiness, I feel love. When I drive to the mountains for a weekend hiking getaway and I get my first glimpse of the peaks rising out of the valleys in all their glory, I feel love. When I walk down a street in New York City and my teenage son stops me and asks if we can go back and feed the homeless guy we just passed, I feel love. When my youngest child asks if my heart is mended now, after I told him he hurt it when he acted up months ago, I feel love. When something goes wrong and, without a single word, my mum feels what I feel, and cries along with me, feeling my pain like it's hers, I feel love.
I've been single now for almost 7 years. That does not mean seven "lonely" years, or seven years "without a man". That means seven years of being with myself, learning about me, who I am, what I want out of life, and what I am passionate about. You learn a lot about yourself when your choices are solely yours, without outside influence. When you choose a movie to watch, that you are going to watch alone, you learn a little about yourself. When you can put any CD of thousands in the player, the one you choose tells you a little more about who you are. When you have a day off, sans kids, and can do anything or go anywhere, your choices speak volumes. In 7 years, I have learned that some things I just "sort of" liked before, when allowed to pursue them on my own terms, are actually huge passions of mine! I have found new things I love, and I have let old hobbies die by the wayside, realizing that I didn't care too much for them in the first place and only did them because they were part of a relational hobby. It's been 7 years of revelations, experimentation, and SELF love, and I've enjoyed the journey.
I came across someone recently who seriously made me contemplate the idea of a relationship. The little I learned about him showed that he and I would be compatible. He had all the qualities I like in a person (and of course on closer inspection may have had qualities I did not like, but I didn't get that far). I bring this up not because I have suddenly decided I want a relationship, but because it is nice to know that I am 100% content to be alone on this path, but not completely opposed to possibly sharing the path with someone in the future, if the person happens upon the same path I'm on. I truly believe in destiny and karma, and I believe that if something is meant to be, it will be. Maybe I am meant to be single for the rest of my life, and I'm okay with that (I have a LOT to do and see). Maybe I'm meant to meet someone further down the path, when my kids no longer need nor want my attention and time. Either way, I'm happy and living my life, with love.
For those of you who are married, or in a relationship... HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
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